Moving to a new city where I knew absolutely no one was a little bit of a daunting task. I felt exactly the same way when I made the huge leap in starting college all of those years ago. It was the first time that I had ever left home on a permanent basis (apart from weekend trips and so forth), so I had a lot of nerves and anxiety. Luckily, I shared an amazing student house which was found on somewhere like Aplusstudenthousing.com, with the best group of people, and all of a sudden, that daunting feeling about making friends and trying to fit in all but vanished. But now, I have to face these fears all over again. Thinking about making friends as an adult can be a little bit scary. So many of us depend on the gals we’ve known our whole lives, or pals we made in college. It’s an easy trap to fall into– leaning on your old crew instead of branching out and befriending a stranger.
Truth be told, as a blogger I think it’s slightly easier. We often get invited to events with other like-minded gals, sans a plus one. Assigned seating, bumping into the same girls event after event leads to a familiarity that can often evolve into a full fledged friendship. My closest gal pals these days? All other bloggers. I’ve mentioned in the past how Kristin and I met. Seated next to each other at a brunch with assigned seating and now, all these years later, we are best friends.
I must confess, making friends is easy for me. As an ENFP, I am quick to befriend strangers. It’s easy for me to connect with people and I tend to see the best in them off the bat. But I get it– it’s not easy for everyone. If you’re a true introvert or feel insecure in social situations, turning a stranger into a bestie can be a terrifying idea. So, how do you make friends as an adult?
Join a small group.
Getting involved in a church small group or signing up for your local BSF class is a great way to make new friends. Spending time studying God’s Word is one of the quickest ways to deepen a friendship. Small groups force you to get deep and share your heart– all necessary elements to a true friendship.
Be social.
If a new friend invites you out, GO!! Make the effort to get out there and meet people. If a friend invites you out with their friends, even better! Don’t be afraid to chat up a friend’s friends.
Compliment a stranger.
As the New York subways would say, “if you see something, say something.” LOL. What I mean is, be ready with a compliment. If I see a girl wearing cute shoes or I love her bag, I’m going to tell her. Not only could it lead to a friendship, but honestly, you never know the kind of day someone is having. Who doesn’t like compliments? A quick word of encouragement could make a huge difference to her and will make none to you. It could lead to a bigger conversation that could turn into a friendship, you never know!
Go on Bumble BFF.
Ok, I’ll be honest, I haven’t had the best luck with this one, but it’s a valid way to make friends! Just like you’d swipe through to find a boo, swipe through to find your new bestie. It may be a 99% miss, but who knows? Maybe you’ll find a new friend!
Don’t be afraid to ask someone out on a friend date.
If you meet someone you click with, don’t be afraid to take it to the next level. Suggest lunch or coffee and follow through on it! I’m always excited when a new acquaintance wants to hang out. I recently met a friend’s high school friend when we were out at a bar and she and I chatted the whole night. We exchanged numbers, got lunch the next week, and now I count her a friend! I think it’s important to remember that we’re not alone… most other people want to make new friends too. Nothing feels better than knowing someone wants to get to know you better and spend time with you. Put yourself out there, I think you’ll be surprised.
Pray.
Pray for God to place people in your path that He wants you to be friends with. I’ve written in the past about this before. There are no accidental meetings. All of my best friendships have come from “chance encounters” that were truly divinely ordained. If you ask God to send you friends, He will.
At the end of the day, putting yourself out there, expressing interest in others and making an effort to get to know people who cross your path will ultimately result in others wanting to be friends with you. It can be tough. We risk rejection and it can be challenging to be vulnerable with people we don’t know well… but the payoff is worth it.
Since moving to Savannah, I’ve been fortunate to meet some amazing girls I’ve connected with. Some I’ve met through blogging, some at church, some through other friends and I just feel so blessed to have them!
If you’re looking to make new friends, I hope this post was helpful and encouraging! It can be a scary thing, but putting yourself out there will always be worth it. And know this– you’ll always be MY friends. Can’t wait to hear what you think about this post! Let me know in the comments.
